Snippets from life

She got it wrong about negotiators. We don't bulldoze our way through. We ask questions. We find out their pain points, wish list, systems and processes. And then, we find common grounds and think out of the box.

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Limerence.
A new word I picked up in the NYT's Modern Love column. The need for reciprocity had too, exhausted me.

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I told you that night that maybe, love and desire are two sides of the same coin.  A matter of timing and luck that it fell and get stuck on the crevice of the sidewalk. An upright coin, balancing both sides.

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And then, I thought of u after a series of back bends and heart openers at yoga. As I breathe in, there was a teeny weeny ache in the heart. Thus kinda triggered my spew of words.

Why the ache, you asked.
I wanted to reply you, time and passing people by.
No one stands at the same spot and wait forever. That was the unsaid of the unsaid.
It applies both ways, me to you and you to me.

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I don't know what I don't know.

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You are intense, a friend commented. You can't expect people to take in all of you at a go.
Laughs, that was the reason why I loved the ocean at Hualien. That kind of waves and energy.
It gave it its all. I missed giving it my all.

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That night's session ended with a sense of emptiness in the tummy. It couldn't be filled up.

And yet, when you said you were still turned on, I felt that warm fuzzy glow. We were kids playing hide and seek. Each on our own paths, unknown to the other, where the desired paths leads us to.

Letting go

Perhaps, the reason for the crossed arms across the chest, a hand on the opposite side of the shoulder, was that the restless soul wanted to be restrained and held by the ropes of trust.

身體功課（9）

It was a sensation I had not felt before.
The cold and emptiness in the tums vanished.
Was it the simple acknowledgement that triggered the warm and lovely glow at the belly? And the urge to share the moment with you?

身體功課（8）

A series of twists
Led to streams of tears
She explained
Twists are good for detox
And it's purifying to cry.

She talked about the need for her to be stern in our practice to ensure we are practicing correctly. Getting the fundamentals right. Ensuring that we are not manipulating our body and hurting ourselves in the practice.

Yoga does not cause backaches and lumbar issues. It is how you practice yoga.

Yes, again, I thought of LL and her persistence in the craft. The Wednesday evenings were always uplifting. Her guidance was fast, furious and fierce yet she was so gentle. I understand her intention, dedication and even the "intellectual humility", the courage to be clear on what she can or cannot do.

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Trump won the election then.

I was reminded again of my fear of populist politics and political apathy. I mused over the reality and absurdity of the world. And then relating to the reality and absurdity of my micro-world, the life as it is.

I looked at the messaging platforms you were on and thought, how crazy am I to be thinking of someone for so long. Pure madness. So, come on, give it one more shot. I'm adding you back.

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There was a subtle ache at the heart. There was a thought of you after a series of backbends and heart openers. Why the ache? Was it due to the lack of responses? My innate need to satisfy my curiosity of you? The lack of responses? Aimless wa(o)nderings? Or just the need to be held and restrained by someone?

Then why you?

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The response that I wanted to craft on your what's up was I'm not a man, I don't go up.

It was lame and I let it slide, cause the second line was a slippery slope.

Pun intended.

2.11

今天電臺臺長終於做了決定。她叫我去找個老師練習語音，其他訓練先停止。

她說，不要氣餒。把語音練習好。i know you have a heart for radio but that's fundamental. 我說，謝謝你，肯幫我正視問題解決問題。

那一剎那，我竟然不難過，反而好開心。終於有人肯幫助我把基本功練好。今年，練習的都是基本功。瑜伽。工作。夢想。還有靈魂伴侶。先得認清自己的黑暗，才能迎接光芒。

到了三十歲才正視自己的問題，相信還不會太晚吧？

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It's so strange that I can't get over someone that I met once. Boliao two nights ago so went and 算算星盤. Wah I was even more amazed. Key stars both of us are opposite 星座. It's like that's why we click and yet our paths are so different. Almost like a side and b side of cassette tape. It can't be played simultaneously.

So, that's it. Yeap,  that's it.

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此時此刻，只想抱住一個人大哭。
然後明天依舊躲在starbucks 練習念稿。